Monday, October 10, 2016

You Move Me


(For N, with acknowledgment to Gina Loring)

You move me.

You move me, like the Cordilleras in November, when there are no tourists
and it’s cold, when the mountains outside my window gently remind me that God exists.

Like trusting the Universe,

You move me, like Deftones, Age 25, like Wolfgang, Age 14.

You move me, like Don Glover singing a Tamia song, like

Frida’s art, Whang Od’s grace, Solange’s hair,

Like the first time I realized I was happy being alone

That it was worth celebrating, coming home to the feeling that I am complete,
And truly believing it.

Like making friends with the people in the hostel, knowing we would be sisters for life,
 watching the sunset on a deserted beach together in silence.

You move me, like a fat girl going to the beach in a bikini for the first time, because she finally felt free and she claimed beauty as her birthright.

Like the time I met Evan Dando after a show. God do I love Evan Dando.
And I was so overcome that I couldn’t hold my phone up to capture us meeting, and all that exists are terrible selfies from that night, because I was nervous and he wrote all these great songs that made me feel warm and want love after denying that I did for so long.

Chino Moreno, John Martyn, Mike Kinsella, Eddie Vedder, Jermaine Cole, I LOVE those guys.

They were constants in my headphones at a time when it felt like continents were shifting, drifting away.

I have abandonment issues, you see,
and when girls like us see something we love, we hold it tight

like promises, 
like Pigeon Pose, 
like Daddy’s hand even if you’re 30 fucking years old.

You move me like postcards from places I want to visit
And being a loner, please understand it’s special when I think about wanting to take you with me.

You move me like the very first bowl of bun cha,
A tall glass of ca phe sua da.

You move me, like truth, grace, peace, love, and light
Because I was in the dark for awhile, and you came in like stars
Guiding our ancestors across the sea, in the days before compasses trying to find land.

You move me, like smiles from strangers, 
like a soft bed, 
like Shakti coming in and sending me dancing back to life, like

Love unconditional: when my twin nieces were 2 years old, and the way they smiled and said my name when I arrived at their house.

You move me like my mother telling me about shame, and how she, like me, carried it deep within her heart for years, letting it go first by calling it by its name.

You move me like hip-hop, like circles, like cycles, like ciphers

You move me, like leaving a toothbrush at a lover’s house
Hinting at the possibility of love.

You move me, like Common and Badu
Recognizing the Light in each other,
Standing tall
and coming together
in
Love,
Like sunshine,
Like lifetimes,
You most definitely move me.



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