The Universe wants me to know that everything will be fine

 

2014 has been really good to me, because this is the year that I shed a lot of baggage that was holding me back.

For the longest time, I had convinced myself that I was okay with leading a mediocre life in Manila. That this was as good as it was ever gonna get for me. But deep inside, I secretly envied my peers who would travel to far off places because they could afford it. I was broke for a really long time in my twenties, and seeing peoples' travel photos in places I could only dream about made me bitter and angry that I was stuck in the city.

It took me 28 years to figure out that traveling was what made me feel most alive and that I need to do it more. 

This year I took a trip to Cambodia, which was the first time I'd gone out of the country on a trip I financed purely on my own. It was absolutely liberating. While there were things I could have done differently if I traveled by myself (I'm not 100% sure I'm ready to do it yet, but I feel this could change very soon), but I wouldn't have traded that experience for anything else.

When I got back to Manila, all I could feel was disgust. Not even the people (except family) would make me want to stay here for the long term. All I can think about is leaving. I never leave my house (except for work and maybe the odd lunch/dinner here and there), because I have given up on my old life and all the shallow and heavy baggage that I used to carry. Being the biggest escapist I know, daydreaming about overland border crossing in Southeast Asia and running through temples and musty marketplaces gets me through the day. Sometimes, I dream about flying.

My soul is itching for change. Lots of interesting universally-aligned events happened since I got back in early August, to be quite honest; former enemies have been apologizing, old friends have been reaching out, old friends have been drifting away. And yet despite all this change, I have a strange feeling that everything, EVERYTHING, is falling into place. It's almost prescient how I know, deep in my bones, that everything is going to be okay. It sounds really stupid, but I am just so fucking calm because I know the Universe is going to take care of me, the way it always has, even when I was feeling at my worst and I couldn't trust its process.

I have a feeling the Universe is going to unravel some really good things for me pretty soon.